Tonight, I’m struggling with the concept of an apology. A sincere, honest, transparent apology. And for those of you who are struggling with an apology, or feel like you need to ever apologize, let me tell you about 5 different types of apologies you should avoid (which in turn implies the type of people you should avoid):
- “Sorry, but…” – tends to be a great apology, with an even better excuse – let’s not ruin the apology and save the excuses for some other time.
- “I’m sorry you feel this way…” means you’re not sorry at all. It’s like me punching you in the face and saying “I’m sorry that your face feels pain”. DUDE! YOU JUST PUNCHED ME!
- Apologizing for something completely different than your actions. It’s like finding out your slutty friend that’s been flirting with your boyfriend non-stop just tried to get your boyfriend to stay over at his place and then your “friend” apologizes for the way you feel about it (note: that’s a double whammy, it falls under apology category 2 AND 3).
- “I regret…” is sending regrets and not apologizing. It’s like sending condolences, it’s fluff talk. If your momma was driving in her car and got hit by a bus and died THAT’S when people send you regrets… particularly regrets about you not being in the same car with her, that is.
- “Mistakes were made…” Bitch, please. I wasn’t asking you to reiterate the point I just made; they’re a given. If you want another given, ask your parents about mistakes.
Tonight’s post has been brought to you by a generous amount of liquor, angst, and internal turmoil, which I tend to enjoy expressing through a paradoxical combination of prayer and humor. Humor implies a joke.