We’re both cowards, I drunkenly slurred at the New York lawyer. His machismo was both damaged and confused and I could read it off his face. Yes, this departure from one another is probably best for us, but it’s not because we want it, but because we’re cowards. Cowardice and fear is the heart of this problem, masked with pragmatism as our shield and realism as our armor. Neither of us want the pain of something not working. The fear of not knowing. So we feed this fear and protect it with pragmatics. We’re not cowards, we’re just being pragmatic. What’s worse is we feign protecting one another by saying how much we’re afraid of hurting one another. I’m doing this so I won’t hurt you. We’re just two chivalrous knights gleaming in self-rightest pragmatism. No. We’re doing this so we won’t hurt ourselves. The other option is we fool ourselves and say that this will work. He’ll be living in 3 different countries in the next year. I’ll be turning 30 next year with no idea what I’ll be or where I’m doing. I’m glad we agree though. In the face of the options: fool or coward, we both chose coward. Rather the forever hopeful fool, we chose the pragmatic coward. Different delinquents with different armors.
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.” Ambrose Redmoon