Thirty Going on Three

Look at me. It’s been over 2-months since I’ve turned thirty and I’m about as far back as I was in my twenties. I’m living the life of Katherine Heigl in every move she’s ever played minus the happy ending. I’ve become a serial dater pining for some nod at every emotional bid I cast, yet somehow simultaneously starved from and with affection. There is really no pleasing the young(ish) gay urban male of the 21st century.

I’m at a coffee shop tonight – my favorite one – watching strangers walk past me. Smiling people used to make me smile, but tonight it’s making me feel just lonely. It’s almost Christmas, and the cheer in the air is almost palpable. If only it were palpable. I would tightly grab it and backhand it hard a couple times. Come back later. Breakups are no time for cheer. Deaths are no time for cheer. Society requires I grieve over things not worth grieving over, so come back later. Right now is not the time.

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